"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Today has been tough for me. It's hard because I want to run somewhere far away and forget all this pain and hurt that I have been feeling. I have been good at trying to be strong and not let this situation kill me. I can no longer run to my old sense of strength, yet he is a person and God is so much better than any human being. God's love is never failing. He gives me strength. I will survive.

The alcohol evaluation class took 2 hours of my time, cost $150, and made me cry. I have officially decided that the year 2013 is my year of tears. It's sad how use I am to crying. I cry in front of so many people. The evaluation he says I have an alcohol problem. My repeated offense does not help my case and I agree that I took no action to change my ways.

I need to change. I have much bigger and better things to fulfill and succeed in my life that letting alcohol completely take control and ruin me.

How do I change? He suggested giving up drinking for a year. This thought has crossed my mind several times in the past 3 years...yet I have never taken the action. Maybe it's time to take action.

I know I am not an alcoholic. Yet, I am not happy with the road and the life I am living.

If I have to blow into the interlock for a year, I can read the Bible everyday. I am fully considering this personal challenge. Those who love me will still love me. Those who don't never did at all.

The important things in life are the important things. Everything else I need to drop to move forward.
Negativity and the sins of the world that weigh me down I need to let go. Including friends that I never imagined I would have to say bye too.

Things happen for reasons. I will prevail. I will get stronger because of this. Let go, let God.

I love the devotions on my phone because they really are spot on nowadays. Today was about confessing our sins. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16 --This really touched my heart today because I had to go in and tell a stranger my problems that I am dealing with in my life. I am a very open person and if help is what I need I've never been one to shy away from telling someone my story. Good or bad. This verse though has been so evident lately.

The first time I went through this I told no one. Literally not even 2 of my roommates I lived with knew. I was embarrassed. This time I want people to know, because maybe if I don't keep it a secret it won't become a secret to me either. This time it has to click. This time I am determined it will too. God is taking my hand and wiping my tears.

Someday I hope to make this blog public. For me that will take a lot of guts and humility but I think it would be beneficial for others to know that I struggle, I am strong, I live and learn and survive. Things happen, worse things than this, but at the same time I would never imagine myself ever being in this position. Ever.

"God will do anything to bring your attention back to Him because of His love for you."

He is doing it right now.