The year of tears continue. My Grandma Dorothy Nelson suffered from another stroke on December 7, 2013. She died the next night.
Tears continue to run down my face.
Really God?
Really right now?
Why?
How much more can I possibly take...
The amazing love of God and eternal life is a beautiful thing. The peace I find in my heart is only from the amazing grace of God and peace that I know that Grandma spent Christmas in Heaven with God this year.
I still feel like my life is a dream. I continue to seek God and have been opening up to those around me whom are firm believers in their faith. This Christmas I received the most beautiful gift that I could ever have imagined.
For once this year, I cried for a good reason.
Ashley's faith inspires me. After meeting with her to dig into the Bible, she handed me hers. She has been loving it for 2 1/2 years. It has been to India and Alabama mission trips.
I was humbled.
I need to make improvements for 2014. But the way I see it is that I can only improve and go up from here.
-Brittany
About Me
- Brittany Nelson
- God is my best friend. Senior. Education major. There is no place like Nebraska. I love people, laughing, glitter and seeing the beauty in all things life has to offer. Adventures are worth taking. Every day is a new adventure. Prayer is powerful. ~Bring Your love to life inside of me Why don't You break my heart 'til it moves my hands and feet For the hopeless and the broken For the ones that don't know that You love them. Bring Your love to life inside of me.~
Monday, December 30, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Powerful Hints.
Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
Today has been tough for me. It's hard because I want to run somewhere far away and forget all this pain and hurt that I have been feeling. I have been good at trying to be strong and not let this situation kill me. I can no longer run to my old sense of strength, yet he is a person and God is so much better than any human being. God's love is never failing. He gives me strength. I will survive.
The alcohol evaluation class took 2 hours of my time, cost $150, and made me cry. I have officially decided that the year 2013 is my year of tears. It's sad how use I am to crying. I cry in front of so many people. The evaluation he says I have an alcohol problem. My repeated offense does not help my case and I agree that I took no action to change my ways.
I need to change. I have much bigger and better things to fulfill and succeed in my life that letting alcohol completely take control and ruin me.
How do I change? He suggested giving up drinking for a year. This thought has crossed my mind several times in the past 3 years...yet I have never taken the action. Maybe it's time to take action.
I know I am not an alcoholic. Yet, I am not happy with the road and the life I am living.
If I have to blow into the interlock for a year, I can read the Bible everyday. I am fully considering this personal challenge. Those who love me will still love me. Those who don't never did at all.
The important things in life are the important things. Everything else I need to drop to move forward.
Negativity and the sins of the world that weigh me down I need to let go. Including friends that I never imagined I would have to say bye too.
Things happen for reasons. I will prevail. I will get stronger because of this. Let go, let God.
I love the devotions on my phone because they really are spot on nowadays. Today was about confessing our sins. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16 --This really touched my heart today because I had to go in and tell a stranger my problems that I am dealing with in my life. I am a very open person and if help is what I need I've never been one to shy away from telling someone my story. Good or bad. This verse though has been so evident lately.
The first time I went through this I told no one. Literally not even 2 of my roommates I lived with knew. I was embarrassed. This time I want people to know, because maybe if I don't keep it a secret it won't become a secret to me either. This time it has to click. This time I am determined it will too. God is taking my hand and wiping my tears.
Someday I hope to make this blog public. For me that will take a lot of guts and humility but I think it would be beneficial for others to know that I struggle, I am strong, I live and learn and survive. Things happen, worse things than this, but at the same time I would never imagine myself ever being in this position. Ever.
"God will do anything to bring your attention back to Him because of His love for you."
He is doing it right now.
Today has been tough for me. It's hard because I want to run somewhere far away and forget all this pain and hurt that I have been feeling. I have been good at trying to be strong and not let this situation kill me. I can no longer run to my old sense of strength, yet he is a person and God is so much better than any human being. God's love is never failing. He gives me strength. I will survive.
The alcohol evaluation class took 2 hours of my time, cost $150, and made me cry. I have officially decided that the year 2013 is my year of tears. It's sad how use I am to crying. I cry in front of so many people. The evaluation he says I have an alcohol problem. My repeated offense does not help my case and I agree that I took no action to change my ways.
I need to change. I have much bigger and better things to fulfill and succeed in my life that letting alcohol completely take control and ruin me.
How do I change? He suggested giving up drinking for a year. This thought has crossed my mind several times in the past 3 years...yet I have never taken the action. Maybe it's time to take action.
I know I am not an alcoholic. Yet, I am not happy with the road and the life I am living.
If I have to blow into the interlock for a year, I can read the Bible everyday. I am fully considering this personal challenge. Those who love me will still love me. Those who don't never did at all.
The important things in life are the important things. Everything else I need to drop to move forward.
Negativity and the sins of the world that weigh me down I need to let go. Including friends that I never imagined I would have to say bye too.
Things happen for reasons. I will prevail. I will get stronger because of this. Let go, let God.
I love the devotions on my phone because they really are spot on nowadays. Today was about confessing our sins. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16 --This really touched my heart today because I had to go in and tell a stranger my problems that I am dealing with in my life. I am a very open person and if help is what I need I've never been one to shy away from telling someone my story. Good or bad. This verse though has been so evident lately.
The first time I went through this I told no one. Literally not even 2 of my roommates I lived with knew. I was embarrassed. This time I want people to know, because maybe if I don't keep it a secret it won't become a secret to me either. This time it has to click. This time I am determined it will too. God is taking my hand and wiping my tears.
Someday I hope to make this blog public. For me that will take a lot of guts and humility but I think it would be beneficial for others to know that I struggle, I am strong, I live and learn and survive. Things happen, worse things than this, but at the same time I would never imagine myself ever being in this position. Ever.
"God will do anything to bring your attention back to Him because of His love for you."
He is doing it right now.
Friday, November 29, 2013
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
Patience. This is something I struggle with a lot. I want to control my life and do what I want, when I want, how I want. But let's be real it is never really about what I want it needs to be about what God wants for me. I love this verse because it touches base with all the wonderful qualities that a person should exemplify.
This summer I am ready to embark on another amazing adventure. Going to CO last summer was an experience that helped me grow and taught me so much about myself. It showed me the kindness and acceptance of others and allowed me to be a leader. A quality though that is my down fall in some ways but is not a down fall at all is the fact that I put others before myself. Being selfless caring human is something I am proud of but I think this summer I should do something for me.
I have already applied to be a camp counselor at Pine Cove Christian Camp in Tyler, TX this summer and I am optimistic about the interview. I really did connect with the guy who I talked too. I opened up to him about my past DUI and told him that I make mistakes. He told me after the interview had concluded that he got arrested from the bars in college. That my story sounded like someone else he knew. I knew that we connected on that point. I would love that experience to be at a Christian camp and I believe it would help me grow in my faith. I will hear back from them on December 18th. I will leave it up to God's will if I get a job offer or not.
If Pine Cove does not work out I have been looking into a program that I have known about the past 3 years of my college career. It is the JAX program through Navigators. It is in Jacksonville, FL and it is an 8 week program that guides students to grow closer to God by learning His word. I have always been intrigued by this program and now more than ever I feel the calling of His grace wanting me to participate and open my heart. I have strayed but I believe that God wants me to do something with this.
I think that's why I am writing this blog too.
Being a Christian will never be easy. I have been around sin for so long. It is hard to stand up and believe in something bigger than this world. But I find such comfort that God is always there for me. Love from other things in my life come and go but God's love is unending, never failing, always faithful and embraces me for all my mistakes and triumphs. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that I have been searching for in some many other places, yet it has been here all a long.
Yesterday my cousin asked me "so what are you thankful for this year?" While I have had a tough year and with the interlock being on my car for the next year. It will not be easy but the first thing that popped in my mind was that my heart is still beating.
My heart is still beating.
I am alive. I have survived. I have cried more in this past year than any year I can remember but my heart no matter how much pain it has suffered, it is still beating.
Better days will come. I have the ability to make better days come.
When I think about my future profession there is no doubt in my mind that becoming a teacher is the right job for me. With my big heart and my love for learning and school it makes me excited that I will influence children's lives. Teaching FCS is rewarding because I will teach about real life relationships, skills, and anything and everything that students can carry into their lives after the bell rings. My lessons that I have learned the hard way I will be able to share.
I'm new to this blogging thing but it really isn't bad at all. If you're reading this, thank you.
Thank you are the two most important words you can say to someone.
Thank you God for your grace.
-Brittany
Patience. This is something I struggle with a lot. I want to control my life and do what I want, when I want, how I want. But let's be real it is never really about what I want it needs to be about what God wants for me. I love this verse because it touches base with all the wonderful qualities that a person should exemplify.
This summer I am ready to embark on another amazing adventure. Going to CO last summer was an experience that helped me grow and taught me so much about myself. It showed me the kindness and acceptance of others and allowed me to be a leader. A quality though that is my down fall in some ways but is not a down fall at all is the fact that I put others before myself. Being selfless caring human is something I am proud of but I think this summer I should do something for me.
I have already applied to be a camp counselor at Pine Cove Christian Camp in Tyler, TX this summer and I am optimistic about the interview. I really did connect with the guy who I talked too. I opened up to him about my past DUI and told him that I make mistakes. He told me after the interview had concluded that he got arrested from the bars in college. That my story sounded like someone else he knew. I knew that we connected on that point. I would love that experience to be at a Christian camp and I believe it would help me grow in my faith. I will hear back from them on December 18th. I will leave it up to God's will if I get a job offer or not.
If Pine Cove does not work out I have been looking into a program that I have known about the past 3 years of my college career. It is the JAX program through Navigators. It is in Jacksonville, FL and it is an 8 week program that guides students to grow closer to God by learning His word. I have always been intrigued by this program and now more than ever I feel the calling of His grace wanting me to participate and open my heart. I have strayed but I believe that God wants me to do something with this.
I think that's why I am writing this blog too.
Being a Christian will never be easy. I have been around sin for so long. It is hard to stand up and believe in something bigger than this world. But I find such comfort that God is always there for me. Love from other things in my life come and go but God's love is unending, never failing, always faithful and embraces me for all my mistakes and triumphs. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that I have been searching for in some many other places, yet it has been here all a long.
Yesterday my cousin asked me "so what are you thankful for this year?" While I have had a tough year and with the interlock being on my car for the next year. It will not be easy but the first thing that popped in my mind was that my heart is still beating.
My heart is still beating.
I am alive. I have survived. I have cried more in this past year than any year I can remember but my heart no matter how much pain it has suffered, it is still beating.
Better days will come. I have the ability to make better days come.
When I think about my future profession there is no doubt in my mind that becoming a teacher is the right job for me. With my big heart and my love for learning and school it makes me excited that I will influence children's lives. Teaching FCS is rewarding because I will teach about real life relationships, skills, and anything and everything that students can carry into their lives after the bell rings. My lessons that I have learned the hard way I will be able to share.
I'm new to this blogging thing but it really isn't bad at all. If you're reading this, thank you.
Thank you are the two most important words you can say to someone.
Thank you God for your grace.
-Brittany
Right now.
I think a lot of times I just want the bad to be over so the good can begin. This is wrong of me to think this. The truth is that even amount this pain I feel and burdens I bear there is still so much good to be thankful for. Life keeps going. Time never stops. I am more than my mistakes and God wants to turn my broken into beautiful. I think it's really amazing to think about. Every day will not be easy but every day is just another day to trust God and learn more about Him and the great purpose and plan He has for me! :)
-love,
Brittany
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Little Hints.
It's simply amazing how great it feels just to spend time with God. I like to sing to Him in my car at the top of my lungs. I have always been weary when I worship to outreach my hands to the sky in praise of Him but I am learning that the feeling I receive when I do is overpowering. It's like I extend and open my palms to Him and He fills me with the spirit.
We all know that my life is not exactly in the perfect situation, yet I am simply amazed at how much my heart is at peace within the pain that I feel. Acceptance of the things I can not change and knowing that the things I can change I need too. This morning my devotion was about pushing through even in struggles and trials of life. Exactly what I needed. I can feel God just calling to me saying "trust me, love me, spend time with me. I have this." It is a beautiful feeling to know that despite my sins and mistakes that God still sees me as His beautiful child.
Thanksgiving Eve service spoke to me again. I always enjoy going home to my small town and just being who I am. The sermon tonight was based on Psalm 107 where when faced with trouble they "Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses." ---Hit home for me. I am such a sinner. I want to change.
My final "ah ha" moment happened tonight when I received my devotion on my phone app. The devotion was addressing our willingness to work for the Lord. Am I willing to put in the effort and time that it takes to get to know God to let Him get to know me. Honestly, I am closer than ever and it is so exciting. I have been thinking and focusing on who I want to be. I want to be my best and I always struggle to say that I don't have a true best friend, I think that is because God wants me to find my best friend in Him.
If I someday want to meet a man of God to love, I must be a woman of God. Love is love. Love in God is something even more. I want that. I want it all. I can not sit here and regret my past, I must find forgiveness in my heart to move forward.
I am excited to move forward.
-Peace&Blessings,
Brittany
107 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
We all know that my life is not exactly in the perfect situation, yet I am simply amazed at how much my heart is at peace within the pain that I feel. Acceptance of the things I can not change and knowing that the things I can change I need too. This morning my devotion was about pushing through even in struggles and trials of life. Exactly what I needed. I can feel God just calling to me saying "trust me, love me, spend time with me. I have this." It is a beautiful feeling to know that despite my sins and mistakes that God still sees me as His beautiful child.
Thanksgiving Eve service spoke to me again. I always enjoy going home to my small town and just being who I am. The sermon tonight was based on Psalm 107 where when faced with trouble they "Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses." ---Hit home for me. I am such a sinner. I want to change.
My final "ah ha" moment happened tonight when I received my devotion on my phone app. The devotion was addressing our willingness to work for the Lord. Am I willing to put in the effort and time that it takes to get to know God to let Him get to know me. Honestly, I am closer than ever and it is so exciting. I have been thinking and focusing on who I want to be. I want to be my best and I always struggle to say that I don't have a true best friend, I think that is because God wants me to find my best friend in Him.
If I someday want to meet a man of God to love, I must be a woman of God. Love is love. Love in God is something even more. I want that. I want it all. I can not sit here and regret my past, I must find forgiveness in my heart to move forward.
I am excited to move forward.
-Peace&Blessings,
Brittany
107 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Holy Spirit.
The chills. The feeling that God has a hand touching you. He is ever present. I have felt it. I want to live in it. Continually I have been listening to the Christian radio now for the past month, even before this all happened to me. I should've given my life and love to God before now. I could feel Him tugging at my heart. I should've read the signs. He does not want to see me in suffering again, but maybe this is the only way He knows that I will learn.
The last time this happened to me I remember crying, lots of crying. I thought that my life was over and that this mistake is all that people would see me as, labeling me. This time it is almost more of an acceptance. That what will come will come. I have to live through it, that is all I can do. I can not cry about it I can not have self hatred or pity. I WANT TO MAKE THIS MAKE ME BETTER.
Life is about learning. Life is hard to explain, define, and understand. God is always there for me. He knows my heart and in Him is the way, the truth, and the light. It is about time I start listening. I am thinking of personal goals to make for myself. I want them to be things that will help me grow spiritually closer to Him.
Today I ordered a devotional book. Reading the Bible in a year. I have committed myself that if I can blow into my interlock for a year, that I can be self disciplined enough to read my Bible for a year. This excites me. The more I read the word I realize that it is masterfully and beautifully a creative story that us as mere sinful humans can only try to fully comprehend. Our God is an awesome God.
Prayer. Strength. Courage. All things are possible with God. I will be okay. This journey will never be easy, no. Worth it, yes.
The chills. The feeling that God has a hand touching you. He is ever present. I have felt it. I want to live in it. Continually I have been listening to the Christian radio now for the past month, even before this all happened to me. I should've given my life and love to God before now. I could feel Him tugging at my heart. I should've read the signs. He does not want to see me in suffering again, but maybe this is the only way He knows that I will learn.
The last time this happened to me I remember crying, lots of crying. I thought that my life was over and that this mistake is all that people would see me as, labeling me. This time it is almost more of an acceptance. That what will come will come. I have to live through it, that is all I can do. I can not cry about it I can not have self hatred or pity. I WANT TO MAKE THIS MAKE ME BETTER.
Life is about learning. Life is hard to explain, define, and understand. God is always there for me. He knows my heart and in Him is the way, the truth, and the light. It is about time I start listening. I am thinking of personal goals to make for myself. I want them to be things that will help me grow spiritually closer to Him.
Today I ordered a devotional book. Reading the Bible in a year. I have committed myself that if I can blow into my interlock for a year, that I can be self disciplined enough to read my Bible for a year. This excites me. The more I read the word I realize that it is masterfully and beautifully a creative story that us as mere sinful humans can only try to fully comprehend. Our God is an awesome God.
Prayer. Strength. Courage. All things are possible with God. I will be okay. This journey will never be easy, no. Worth it, yes.
One Step, Too Far
Our intentions are always pure. We always want to do what is right, but we also have the drive to push boundaries. So we're in danger of taking things to far. We're told to do no harm while we're trained to cut you open with a knife. So when we do things when we should have left well enough alone. Because its hard to admit when there's no problem to treat, to let it alone before we make it so much worse. Because we cause terrible damage. - Grey's Anatomy
Sunday, November 10, 2013
My drive to faith is not going to be easy. Forgiveness is the aspect of my life that I find myself in a constant struggle with, mostly forgiving myself. Just when I was "free" there I was again in the back on the cop car in handcuffs. This is not me. Yet, I had failed to learn and change my ways. I continued to live in sin.
I have had triumphs in my life and failures. God has seen me through them all. After receiving my first DUI which out of luck got reduced to a wreckless driving because my cop got deployed I thought the 6 months of hell would set me straight in my ways. Apparently it didn't. I am writing this blog with remorse and regret on my heart. I'm writing it as a public accountability for myself. I'm writing it to maybe help others someday never go through what I am going through.
Every day is a gift. I have always considered myself to be a happy go lucky girl. Those who know me and that I call friend know that I always put others before myself. While this quality is something I admire and love it has also lead me to much heart break as I find myself on now. Even the best intentions have consequences. Trying to get my extremely intoxicated friend home from the bars after she got kicked out does not change the fact that I was driving drunk behind that wheel. I can not have a heavy heart towards her. I can only blamed myself. It was my decision to put her first before me. Honestly, at the time I did not even think of myself and that is a downfall.
I have many things I want to work on within this next year. I want you all to help me and to hold me accountable. I want to inspire and teach and find it within my heart to share my story. Everyone has a story. God gives you this life because He knows that you are the only one meant for it. I refuse to sit and cry trying to take back what is already done.
I must be strong in The Lord and learn that His path is the only path. I am surrounded by sin and temptation and as my professor told me after I told her about my story, it is time for new playmates, a new playground, and new play things. Potentially, this could be the best thing to happen to me. Optimism, happiness, and a happy heart is the only way I can find God and push forward in my life dispute all my faults.
Happy Sunday. Sunday is my favorite.
I have had triumphs in my life and failures. God has seen me through them all. After receiving my first DUI which out of luck got reduced to a wreckless driving because my cop got deployed I thought the 6 months of hell would set me straight in my ways. Apparently it didn't. I am writing this blog with remorse and regret on my heart. I'm writing it as a public accountability for myself. I'm writing it to maybe help others someday never go through what I am going through.
Every day is a gift. I have always considered myself to be a happy go lucky girl. Those who know me and that I call friend know that I always put others before myself. While this quality is something I admire and love it has also lead me to much heart break as I find myself on now. Even the best intentions have consequences. Trying to get my extremely intoxicated friend home from the bars after she got kicked out does not change the fact that I was driving drunk behind that wheel. I can not have a heavy heart towards her. I can only blamed myself. It was my decision to put her first before me. Honestly, at the time I did not even think of myself and that is a downfall.
I have many things I want to work on within this next year. I want you all to help me and to hold me accountable. I want to inspire and teach and find it within my heart to share my story. Everyone has a story. God gives you this life because He knows that you are the only one meant for it. I refuse to sit and cry trying to take back what is already done.
I must be strong in The Lord and learn that His path is the only path. I am surrounded by sin and temptation and as my professor told me after I told her about my story, it is time for new playmates, a new playground, and new play things. Potentially, this could be the best thing to happen to me. Optimism, happiness, and a happy heart is the only way I can find God and push forward in my life dispute all my faults.
Happy Sunday. Sunday is my favorite.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
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