Compelled to write.

I feel compelled. Here I am laying in bed, I have 3 test tomorrow and should be studying BUT nothing in me more feels the need to just write every thought that is on my heart tonight.

I want to take the time to be thankful. One of the first things that I am thankful for tonight is that I have the heart for writing down my love of life.

Sometimes my biggest breakthroughs and answers come when I simply write without an end goal or purpose. Simply to just write whatever I am feeling at the time. I pull out journal entries from years ago and when I read them I realize how much I have learned and grown since I wrote them. Nostalgically though they take me back to that exact moment and time in my life when I was writing them. Sometimes this feeling is one of joy and other times it is bitter sweet. All in all it makes me realize just how much God has always been working in my life. And just how much I never saw the real picture when I was trying to control my life.

I am thankful for my mistakes. I am thankful for the people God has put into my life; blessings and lessons. I am beyond thankful that God is pursuing me so hard right now that the peace I'm finding is unreal. He definitely is always up to something. Every time I think I know I realize I knew nothing at all. When I read what I wrote and then read another entry 4 months later it makes me realize the beautiful and unpredictable life I live.

I wouldn't have it any other way. God gave me the heart for writing that I can have tangible words that are from my soul speaking. If I would die tomorrow I would want people to read the notes I have written to God about life, the hopeless yet "I can't wait to love the shit out of you & pray for you often" book of notes I write for my future husband, and many random thoughts I often find myself jotting down in class or at the strangest moments when I suddenly get the urge too.

I would want people to read these things because I feel when I write I give a little piece of my heart into it each time. There is nothing more vulnerable than that very thing---giving pieces of your heart to others.

This leads me compelled to write is the best way possible.

I have a lot to give. A lot of love to give. Why have I not been giving it to the one who loves me most?

Aww! I just know that God is doing great things in my life and heart right now. I just need to keep focusing on Him and finding comfort and peace in His plan for my life.

Love,
Brittany