Hello. Happy New Year! This year I promise to make it better than the last. I must say though that 2013 has taught me more about myself than any other year of my life. Sometimes the trials God brings us to will also bring the light of Him into your world too.

I really want to focus on the good in my life. This year I want to try to blog every day and put into a jar a good memory or quote.

The Bible verse I want to focus on today is Proverbs 20:30
It has been amazing to read the scripture and see how much God loves me. He knows what He is doing and this year I want to just trust Him and love Him.

I want to make time to be with Him.

Hit me again, God. You know I can handle it.

The year of tears continue. My Grandma Dorothy Nelson suffered from another stroke on December 7, 2013. She died the next night.

Tears continue to run down my face.
Really God?
Really right now?
Why?
How much more can I possibly take...

The amazing love of God and eternal life is a beautiful thing. The peace I find in my heart is only from the amazing grace of God and peace that I know that Grandma spent Christmas in Heaven with God this year.

I still feel like my life is a dream. I continue to seek God and have been opening up to those around me whom are firm believers in their faith. This Christmas I received the most beautiful gift that I could ever have imagined.

For once this year, I cried for a good reason.

Ashley's faith inspires me. After meeting with her to dig into the Bible, she handed me hers. She has been loving it for 2 1/2 years. It has been to India and Alabama mission trips.

I was humbled.

I need to make improvements for 2014. But the way I see it is that I can only improve and go up from here.

-Brittany

Powerful Hints.

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!
    They are like chaff
    that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
    nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
    but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Today has been tough for me. It's hard because I want to run somewhere far away and forget all this pain and hurt that I have been feeling. I have been good at trying to be strong and not let this situation kill me. I can no longer run to my old sense of strength, yet he is a person and God is so much better than any human being. God's love is never failing. He gives me strength. I will survive.

The alcohol evaluation class took 2 hours of my time, cost $150, and made me cry. I have officially decided that the year 2013 is my year of tears. It's sad how use I am to crying. I cry in front of so many people. The evaluation he says I have an alcohol problem. My repeated offense does not help my case and I agree that I took no action to change my ways.

I need to change. I have much bigger and better things to fulfill and succeed in my life that letting alcohol completely take control and ruin me.

How do I change? He suggested giving up drinking for a year. This thought has crossed my mind several times in the past 3 years...yet I have never taken the action. Maybe it's time to take action.

I know I am not an alcoholic. Yet, I am not happy with the road and the life I am living.

If I have to blow into the interlock for a year, I can read the Bible everyday. I am fully considering this personal challenge. Those who love me will still love me. Those who don't never did at all.

The important things in life are the important things. Everything else I need to drop to move forward.
Negativity and the sins of the world that weigh me down I need to let go. Including friends that I never imagined I would have to say bye too.

Things happen for reasons. I will prevail. I will get stronger because of this. Let go, let God.

I love the devotions on my phone because they really are spot on nowadays. Today was about confessing our sins. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16 --This really touched my heart today because I had to go in and tell a stranger my problems that I am dealing with in my life. I am a very open person and if help is what I need I've never been one to shy away from telling someone my story. Good or bad. This verse though has been so evident lately.

The first time I went through this I told no one. Literally not even 2 of my roommates I lived with knew. I was embarrassed. This time I want people to know, because maybe if I don't keep it a secret it won't become a secret to me either. This time it has to click. This time I am determined it will too. God is taking my hand and wiping my tears.

Someday I hope to make this blog public. For me that will take a lot of guts and humility but I think it would be beneficial for others to know that I struggle, I am strong, I live and learn and survive. Things happen, worse things than this, but at the same time I would never imagine myself ever being in this position. Ever.

"God will do anything to bring your attention back to Him because of His love for you."

He is doing it right now.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 

Patience. This is something I struggle with a lot. I want to control my life and do what I want, when I want, how I want. But let's be real it is never really about what I want it needs to be about what God wants for me. I love this verse because it touches base with all the wonderful qualities that a person should exemplify. 

This summer I am ready to embark on another amazing adventure. Going to CO last summer was an experience that helped me grow and taught me so much about myself. It showed me the kindness and acceptance of others and allowed me to be a leader. A quality though that is my down fall in some ways but is not a down fall at all is the fact that I put others before myself. Being selfless caring human is something I am proud of but I think this summer I should do something for me. 

I have already applied to be a camp counselor at Pine Cove Christian Camp in Tyler, TX this summer and I am optimistic about the interview. I really did connect with the guy who I talked too. I opened up to him about my past DUI and told him that I make mistakes. He told me after the interview had concluded that he got arrested from the bars in college. That my story sounded like someone else he knew. I knew that we connected on that point. I would love that experience to be at a Christian camp and I believe it would help me grow in my faith. I will hear back from them on December 18th. I will leave it up to God's will if I get a job offer or not.

If Pine Cove does not work out I have been looking into a program that I have known about the past 3 years of my college career. It is the JAX program through Navigators. It is in Jacksonville, FL and it is an 8 week program that guides students to grow closer to God by learning His word. I have always been intrigued by this program and now more than ever I feel the calling of His grace wanting me to participate and open my heart. I have strayed but I believe that God wants me to do something with this. 

I think that's why I am writing this blog too.

Being a Christian will never be easy. I have been around sin for so long. It is hard to stand up and believe in something bigger than this world. But I find such comfort that God is always there for me. Love from other things in my life come and go but God's love is unending, never failing, always faithful and embraces me for all my mistakes and triumphs. It is a beautiful feeling. It is a feeling that I have been searching for in some many other places, yet it has been here all a long. 

Yesterday my cousin asked me "so what are you thankful for this year?" While I have had a tough year and with the interlock being on my car for the next year. It will not be easy but the first thing that popped in my mind was that my heart is still beating.

My heart is still beating.

I am alive. I have survived. I have cried more in this past year than any year I can remember but my heart no matter how much pain it has suffered, it is still beating. 

Better days will come. I have the ability to make better days come.

When I think about my future profession there is no doubt in my mind that becoming a teacher is the right job for me. With my big heart and my love for learning and school it makes me excited that I will influence children's lives. Teaching FCS is rewarding because I will teach about real life relationships, skills, and anything and everything that students can carry into their lives after the bell rings. My lessons that I have learned the hard way I will be able to share. 

I'm new to this blogging thing but it really isn't bad at all. If you're reading this, thank you. 

Thank you are the two most important words you can say to someone.

Thank you God for your grace.
-Brittany

Right now.

I think a lot of times I just want the bad to be over so the good can begin. This is wrong of me to think this. The truth is that even amount this pain I feel and burdens I bear there is still so much good to be thankful for. Life keeps going. Time never stops. I am more than my mistakes and God wants to turn my broken into beautiful. I think it's really amazing to think about. Every day will not be easy but every day is just another day to trust God and learn more about Him and the great purpose and plan He has for me! :) 

-love, 

Brittany

Little Hints.

It's simply amazing how great it feels just to spend time with God. I like to sing to Him in my car at the top of my lungs. I have always been weary when I worship to outreach my hands to the sky in praise of Him but I am learning that the feeling I receive when I do is overpowering. It's like I extend and open my palms to Him and He fills me with the spirit.

We all know that my life is not exactly in the perfect situation, yet I am simply amazed at how much my heart is at peace within the pain that I feel. Acceptance of the things I can not change and knowing that the things I can change I need too. This morning my devotion was about pushing through even in struggles and trials of life. Exactly what I needed. I can feel God just calling to me saying "trust me, love me, spend time with me. I have this." It is a beautiful feeling to know that despite my sins and mistakes that God still sees me as His beautiful child.

Thanksgiving Eve service spoke to me again. I always enjoy going home to my small town and just being who I am. The sermon tonight was based on Psalm 107 where when faced with trouble they "Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses." ---Hit home for me. I am such a sinner. I want to change.

My final "ah ha" moment happened tonight when I received my devotion on my phone app. The devotion was addressing our willingness to work for the Lord. Am I willing to put in the effort and time that it takes to get to know God to let Him get to know me. Honestly, I am closer than ever and it is so exciting. I have been thinking and focusing on who I want to be. I want to be my best and I always struggle to say that I don't have a true best friend, I think that is because God wants me to find my best friend in Him. 

If I someday want to meet a man of God to love, I must be a woman of God. Love is love. Love in God is something even more. I want that. I want it all. I can not sit here and regret my past, I must find forgiveness in my heart to move forward.

I am excited to move forward.
-Peace&Blessings,
Brittany

107 O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.